Tuesday, 25 November 2014



Artistic pics from last weekend's dinner w A.
No, but could I draw your attention to that un-beautiful wasabi heart?

I have some thoughts about that incident, but first it's story time.
A. had heard of a goodlooking guy doing sushi at that bar, so we went to check him out. (Ok, screw that version, actually he's a buddy of my older bro, so she 'heard' it from me haha).

We entered and had to wait for a bit because there were no free tables, thus we had to slack around at the entrance with drinks.
Then we were guided to our table, which actually was more like a long bench.

The owner of the restaurant asked me to follow her suddenly, I didn't get what was going on, but did as she said. Turns out she just guided me all around the long bench to my seat.
But because my place had an unimpeded view of the bar and aforementioned handsome guy, hereby called S, while the other place was with one's back to it, A wanted to swap places. Which was quite an undertaking.

We ordered our stuff and received this plate which - to our amusement - came with this wasabi heart.
Later we received matcha ice cream for free.

While we were dealing with our generous dessert real quick, cuz it was about time the restaurant closed, the owner approached us and asked where we were from.
When we told her that we were both not locals, she yelled across the restaurant, 'Oh my god, boys, those two beauties not locals lah!!! Oh my god, girls, the guys were eyeing you two forever, wondering where you're from!! They even complain why not sit at the bar!!! Aiyo, I say got place already lucky enough liao! etc etc'
And said boys, i.e. the whole staff were sitting alongside another bench which was facing us from the left~
Imagine this, they were watching us like a movie!!! This has to be next-level embarrassing!! I just put my hair to one side and looked into the other direction /shakes head

Later A. told me sth about a family w a young kid sitting at the bar talking to the sushi guys and looking at us (or so).
Then our waiter came to pick up our plate, turned around to serve us, but stopping midway looking at the place. He turned back to the sushi chefs like 'seriously guys?!', but when those didn't really react, proceded to serve us our food.

HAHAHAHAHA! Isn't that hilarious!!! I'm still lmfao-ing when I imagine those stupid guys kneading the fucking wasabi into a heart and the waiter's reaction!! Bwahahaha

Anyway the family was also observing our reaction and smiled at my friend when they saw that she saw the heart!!!
Actually a quite funny story right?
But when I think back I have a bad feeling about the heart-shaped wasabi....

It was the first thing I noticed on the plate, different from my friend who said that she didn't notice it at all.

Now this really bothers me. Because I kinda have the feeling that it was the first thing I spotted, because somehow somewhere I expected it(?!)
And how conceited would that fucking be?!
It's disgusting!!!!

I don't even think I am pretty! I can be pretty during 1 out of 100.000 seconds and that's it!!! But most of the time I'm quite ugly even...

Also for my friend it was quite a big deal and we discussed the heart for quite a while, but had it been just me, or me dining with myself I wouldn't have given the heart any thoughts at all I think, because, I'm kinda used to those sort of happenings!!!
Getting stuffs on the house, one sushi roll more than usual, sushi in a heart shape, or even just a mischievous wink from the chef - that's kinda the same for me

Which is also dam conceited!!!!
For one it makes you feel special, but I also think it's not uncommon, especially for sushi chefs to deliver 'secret' messages with their sushi art, right?

But how arrogant does it make you if you take such things for granted... or rather find them so normal you don't really take notice of them at all?!

I don't want to be a bitch who thinks she deserves to be treated like that!!!!
And I don't, god forbid, I don't ever!!!!

But I think it's also kind of an automatic protective mechanism of my psyche, cuz if I cared too much about such compliments, I'd go insane, cuz I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable (I hate compliments, which is the subject of another of my countless self-absorbed blog posts).
So maybe it's that?

It's still stupid, but at least it doesn't make me a loathsome person!!
I hate arrogance (except it's some tsundere ikemen haha)

HiAaZz... to even feel that those things are somewhat 'normal'.. As I said, I am not pretty, but admittedly, those things kind of happen 'often' to me.
Which I wouldn't dare to say so myself, but on that night, my friend said, 'Those things only happen to me when I'm with you!' (which is seldom enough)....
But since I'm not pretty, I think there's an 'attention-seeking way' about my demeanour... which I swear by god is never my intention!!!!

I think it's because I feel kinda insecure, especially when I'm in an unfamiliar environment, I want to appear confident and kinda make a big fuss out of my appearance (not with big actions, but in every small action I kinda put that extra bit of in-whatever-way-ever-so-slightly-unconscious-attention-seeking-something, that will catch people's eye ._.).
And - btw men tend to easily confuse a conspicuous woman with a pretty one.... Men are so so dumb~ Let's say a super tasteless dressed woman with bright sparkly orange-purple snakeskin top, short, tight jeans skirt and slut heels is at a club, among normally sexy dressed girls, men will all swoon over the bitch with the lapse of taste, despite her ugliness and despite all other girls being (1000 times more) pretty!!!

So yeah, men confuse that in my case I think.... But it's all... like every other thing only a theory out of 1.000.000.
But that sounds really plausible to me now that I think about it....

That's it!
Please excuse the really LQ ugly pics, I forgot my cam and took those w my phone, which takes lousy pics when exposure is bad.
Chu, Ailing

Thursday, 6 November 2014

Picking up the pieces

Mi Amor - 赤西 仁
Aftermath of Alexander Wang x H&M.
I can literally hear the cinematographic silence, smell the smoke, the dust, the soot in the air, as an undistinguishable noise gets first imperceptibly then clearly louder, coughs, mournings and cries of the wounded and those who have lost.
Through the smoke I start to make out creatures that had forgotten and now remember that they once were humans, crawling on the floor, staggering away, scattered to the four winds.

Some are holding onto their last treasures, leftovers from the great war that they gathered from the battleground, when the victorious had long left, leaving only unwanted trash behind.

Or something like this...

She woke up this morning to a perfectly silent room, even the clock was removed for the ticking sound made it even harder for her to sleep.
6.30 am.
Nothing was unusual, everything was the same as when she went to bed the day before. Half asleep she look around her room.
But then it suddenly hit her. It was announced for today at 10 am sharp.
They proclaimed a fight. They proclaimed a battle. Everywhere. Here in the middle of the city. You VS
The big thing.
The ultimate something.

So I was reloading H&M's site for nearly 2 hours to no avail. Starting from 10 to 10am mind you!!!
Why are people even visiting the site before the announced time?
(Like me? Just to check? Are you...? Really?)

Anyway, I had started to agonize over what I should get yesterday, and after thinking everything through I decided that I needed the towels, and wanted the boxing gloves and could use the men's sweater or gift it to my brother.
I don't know what magic internet other people possess but by the time I could shop in somewhat purpose-serving manner (every 10th reload would bring forth content!!) the sweater had sold out...
WHAT? a menswear item?
Seriously men get a bit too diva/ gay-ish these days....

I somehow managed to accidentally buy two sets of towels (dafuq) which I only realized minutes later. I went back to play Swedish roulette once more and successfully added the gloves to my haul.
(But H&M is really cool, they let you edit your shopping after placing an order, and even add new items to that order and don't create a new order with extra shipping!!!!!)

A bit sad about the sweater, because my bro surely needs some stuff, but oh well... I am victorious enough!!!
I hope the things arrive before I leave on Thursday next week~

Do you like green or black olives more? I love the black ones
Chu, Ailing

Sunday, 2 November 2014


モノクロのキス - SID
I'm really really upset about the ending of 黒執事・サーカスの書(Black Butler, Book of Circus)!!!!

I don't see any justification neither from Ciel's nor the mangaka's side to have people killed who could be rescued!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, whatever you say, it is never the right thing to do! No no no no no no NOOOO!!!!
These guys were friendly to him, ok they did terrible things, but they had their reasons! Reasons, which especially in anime world are very good exuses for murder!!!

Ciel could have rescued them all!!! But he chose to not give a fuck!!!!

Apart from that I'm really annoyed by the very last scene when he laughs out like mad, amused by the fact that humans or himself are worse than akumas!!!
Le me tell you one thing: Mangas who try to point out that humans are oh so bad are stupid!!!!

I see their retarded point: They think because people have a choice, it is all the more hidoi when they actually commit sins, as opposed to demons, because it lies in their nature!

For a damned little spoiled arrogant brat to assume such things (but that's actually only the mangaka's doing to piss me off even more), kids shouldn't act so high and mighty.
Anyway, not that the speaker of such things changes the content. Imo it is absolutely senseless to assume things about the good- or bad-naturedness of mankind, because we humans are just being the way we exist.

Let me explain: Do you say this elephant or all elephants are evil because some mothers abandon their child after giving birth to them? Of course you don't, they are just animals, they do what they do. They don't think. They just act the way they were born with.
Do you say pelicans are good, because they rip out their own flesh to feed their off springs? As much as we are prone to apply human (actually non-existent) features to their behaviour, we actually can't. The pelican isn't good, or bad. It is just behaving according to it's life (call it instinct or genes if you like to).

And haven't we all agreed on the fact that humans are animals, too?
Yes, I know we reflect on our deeds, we decide on what to do and what to leave well alone, but are we really doing those things against our nature? Or are we not just also acting according to our instincts?

I say we humans, as well as all the other animals, are not free enough, to act on our own will.
When some perverted murderer decides to play a game or a man thinks of a poor woman who is willing to give away her little everything, are they actually pushing the boundaries of human capacities?
Or isn't whatever a human does part of humanity as well?

We can't act beyond our possibilities, everything we do, however beneficial or harmful, is part of our existence.
Therefore one can't say, 'Human are the most cruel creatures of them all, because we kill for joy' or compare us to demons, 'See we are worse than akumas. That is how humans are.' as much as we can't pit animal behaviour patterns against our own thinking. Animals are just what they are, we cannot say god or bad, and humans (as animals) are also what we are. Neither this nor that.

I'm sick of animes or mangakas trying to provoke or be especially modern/ rebellious by coming up with such an obvious and lame message. There are just too many....

One last thing about Ciel.
I totally understand his wish to take revenge for what happened to him and as a kid I was also convinced that I'd personally slaughter anybody who'd kill my family.
And although it's quite abnormal for a such person to do so, we are in anime land, so it's ok.
BUT I find his arrogant behaviour really annoying. I comprehend a certain degree as a necessary feature to follow through with his vengeance, and that even a little more arrogance is necessary to make the character likeable/ provokable enough to be in a manga, but he is even more and that's just impossible!!!

He is far too self-absorbed to be published, especially for his age (or maybe he is like that just because of his age...)

Although his revenge is his sole purpose in life, I can't see why this allows him to put others in the same or even worse misery he has been myself.
If your revenge would turn you into a worse person than your wrongdoers than you absolutely have to back off.

In his great wish to avenge the death of his parents and his own fate Ciel's doesn't care about the amount of corpses that pave his way to his goal and as long as those corpses belong to 'bad' persons I don't care. But how dare he even murdering good people?
He is so wrong.. So wrong..... .____________________.

Chu, Ailing

Monday, 20 October 2014

Can I get this?

You you are definitely getting really old when all you want for birthday is nothing.
No, wait, let's see...

No, really nothing.
Aaahh money, gimme all your money.

Ok, so here's a really desperate attempt to save my childhood by putting up a wishlist~ Oh my!
(unfortunately that doesn't mean I pick a bunch of pink plushes or glitter pens, too - Mission failed)

for a grown-up and disillusioning start a little riddle involving very much logical adult thinking:
winter is coming, I don't own any serious scarf since I grew out elementary school, it's going to be cold I NEED A SCARF

pictured: Acne Canada grey melange
A white shearling black leather moto jacket that is.
The ONLY jacket I like so far, cuz really I'm a coat-addict.
But I'm obsessed with this jacket.

pictured: Acne Velocite
I don't need another bag. But I wouldn't say 'No' to this classic, yet girly pop of colour to make monochrome less monochrome.

pictured: The Cambridge Satchel Company Satchel in Peach Pink
Another thing I don't need. Perfumes are still too adultly for me. But after my friend and I pinpoint this fragrance to be like the flavour of avocado shake, I think IF I'd were to express my youthfulness with a scent, it would be Daisy.

pictured: MARC JACOBS Daisy Eau de Toilette
Lastly, a wish that counts as a child's wish: these absolutely stunning shining silver brushes by Queenie Chan (my idol). Also 'The patented handle is made of aluminium and it can be used for facial massage' for some of them.

pictured: SO brushes by SO by Queenie Chan

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Give Love

Give Love - Akdong Musician
A little something I recalled during last night!
First of all paiseh for being so self-absorbed all the time , I really should blog about Ebola or Jonghoon, but alas, this space is only intended for me, me and me.

The reason why the degree of self-absorbed shit varies is because I think I spam 90% of it on twitter. Which is not good. Takes away my blogging material.
So I will stop writing so much on twitter but more here.


So I remembered that -
Ok really damn paiseh, let's pretend this happened really a long time ago. Really long time. Like the life before last
Or better we will pretend that it didn't happen yet. Maybe in 6 lives it will happen. (But I'm in my 8th life now so I can still talk in the past form).

A and I were sitting on a certain bridge. With a friend.
We were wearing heels and sitting on this higher (and wide) platform thing which spans along the bridge.

You know climbing up that platform is no biggie with heels. You just jump and then prop yourself with your hands/arms and turn around (or if your arms are too weak/ you can't jump high enough you 'climb' along the wall a bit, works with heels). I know a shitty explanation, just imagine how you get out a pool (without a ladder).

The problem is when you want to get down. You have to jump. But how would risk to jump down with heels? Confirm break your ankles!!!
You could put off your heels of course, but that's really too much + the floor also kinda dirty.

Ok, so this friend helped my friend down (I don't think any of us agreed to have him help us despite having no other option to get down).
The thing with me is - people who know me for some time know it - I can't be touched anywhere around my waist.
I am sensitive as fuck there. I will scream, gasp very loudly and dramatically or maybe the worst gasp-moan (which hasn't happen in a long time /touch wood).

So let's say you are my friend (female) and a guy would help you down this platform. How?
Of course the guy will have to grab you around your waist and lift you down right?
I was wearing a crop top. But hey! I survived being lifted down, that's not what I wanted to talk about.

The thing is that when I 'touched down' I fucking stumbled
Which to this date I find very embarrassing. Like my friend (at least seemed to) landed fine with no problems. The way it should be. He lifted her down and there she stood. From A to B.
I absolutely too stupid to stand. How could I not manage to just keep my feet straight so that I could be placed on the ground just like that?!
Maybe that was due to the suddenness of being forced to be grabbed at my waist and lifted down.

Then yesterday night I noticed that actually the girl stumbles. Right? The girl always stumbles! And then fall against the guy's chest somemore.
Luckily that didn't happen due to my quick reaction and my embarrassment of not being able to simply stand.

But the point is, it is - in a twisted way - not right if I had stood firmly, but I should have rather dunno fainted hahahahaha.

I find it funny that it seemed so absolutely embarrassing to me at first, but now I realize, you can also see it differently.
Some girls stumble on purpose what? (I'm thinking Sailor Moon) (I love Rei + Mamo-chan).
In stories it might seem somewhat romantic, but in real life it is very unglam I mean stumbling is not gracious.

To end this ridiculous entry a scene from the making off of Akdong Musicians Give Love MV:
the girl has to act like she's tripping out of that merry-go-round carriage oh-so-accidently into her crushes arms~ aahh~
but she just can't ㅋㅋ very cute!
And that proves that I am right, stumbling is desirable! My life is like a music video! All girls should stumble!!

Chu, Ailing

Monday, 13 October 2014

the club

Just two pics I took while staying at The Club Hotel.
I find the colours and the gadgets funny.

We Are Handsome 'The Pantera' beach towel, MICHAEL Michael Kors phone wristlet