Friday, 28 November 2014


My uncle has died (some time last week).
All my life I haven't really been able to feel empathy.
I also didn't really know my uncle. I have met him twice and may have spoken to him not even once.
And his health has never been good for all I know.

I'm trying to imagine my mother's feelings. It must be really painful to lose someone so suddenly when he has lived with you all your life. And how shocking must this be as a sudden reminder of your own end.
A band of siblings broken so abruptly.

What kind of present buyer are you?
I think in the recent edition of the Harper's Bazaar a bunch of editors and other staffers talked about their gifting habits.
I don't understand what's so special about people who put a lot of thoughts into their presents. Shouldn't that be rule?

Those who know me know that I absolutely love gifting. They say giving is more enjoyable than receiving, I'm not sure if I can attest to that (imho receiving is superb, too), but as for me, I love to give others a treat.

When I want to give someone a present I must definitely make my utmost efforts to find the perfect present, this can be quite a frustrating task.
People define the perfect present differently, for a (Asian) parent it might be the most beneficial thing, for grandparents it might the thing their grandchildren want the most, for some it is something that is useful, for others it's something funny and entertaining or something unique.
For me it's the perfect mixture of everything: a present must fit to the occasion (Christmas, birthday, graduation, wedding, expression of thanks, just-so, etc), it must fit to your relation in terms of price and nature (brother, parents, (best) friend, teacher, staff, etc) and it would be best if it's something the presentee both really likes and 'needs'.
There are thing which people 'need' or can make use of, but have never thought of, if something like that is your present combined with a liking then you can be sure that your present will be a very nice surprise!
I love that kind of present the most!!

Certainly I never go for the easy or cheap way. I think that defies the purpose of a present. If you gift then with love.
That also applies to gift wrapping. Forgive me if I sound terribly unrealistic, but I also love to wrap gifts uniquely playfully.
As well as writing and cards.
Ah the whole process of gifting!!! I sound awfully cheesy ㅋㅋ

But as I said it's not easy. I'm thinking about what I could get for my mother. I tried to find clothes for her, but she doesn't really has a certain taste ㅋㅋ
Also she is a kind of Spartan person and doesn't really like to accept gifts. But if all fails I get her an anti-aging product.

Presents for my father are relatively easy. He likes everything educational regarding politics in Asia. So I can just get him books.

As for my younger brother, it's quite easy, too. For I practically nourished his taste. He likes everything unique and special, he's a typical hypebeast. And he likes DC and the universe ㅋ

My older brother is a kind trouble. He also likes unusual things, but I don't know what exactly. I have a feeling he would even like some useless junk, like fancy mugs or so.....

What kind of presents do you like to buy? I'm curious.
Chu, Ailing

Thursday, 27 November 2014


Avoado*, 21 weeks old
VW2430 BenQ

Bits and bobs of news.

Ever since I went to live on my own I started to get interested in planting.
When I was a kid my parents had many plants and I couldn't really understand nor share their fondness of plants in any way.
I had decided that only adults could find any 'fun' in something as boring and unexciting as growing plants. It didn't help either that I found flowers stink.
Nevertheless I had always liked the nature, trees and forests, the sea and mountains and all those romantic things.
Now that I grew older I like how plants bring a bit of colour and nature into a home. But that's not the only thing.
Growing plants seems to stimulate some maternal instincts. Or how else do you explain that my roommate and I swoon all too often over our babies, worrying whether they are sick, have enough light and love, thinking about names* and squealing with delight when they grow their first leaf ('Oh my god, four months ago you were only a pip!!' /tears) Heck, we even go and buy them nice pots so they'll look good!
I fancy Alucard. I mean Alucard(o), the avocad(o).

I'm not a jewellery person. In 6th or 7th grade I used to stack on bangles like my life depended on it. I also bothered to wear earrings and necklaces.
But I grew out of bothering with those things and also bangles are quite impractical. I am simply not a person of whom adorning oneself is a part of (is that a sentence). On a daily basis I don't wear any form of jewellery (not even my prescribed glasses (Y)), although I and probably many other girls constantly plan to do so.
I especially like the trend of stacking on rings (stacking ftw?), but never had 'enough money' to buy a gazillion of rings. Especially because I'm not fond of fashion jewellery at all (an aftermath of those teen years).
But for a special occasion my dress seemed too simple so I bought a few accessories to pimp my outfit. I liked all the bling and the expensive look of my bejewelled hands yo! Although sadly I lost a ring that night. Damn you jewellery!!

I also started to collect magazines. Magazines are things that I have always liked. Their glamorous covers promised life improvement at a max, so being able to afford a magazine now and then was always a special treat.
I am nearly desperate about buying every issue of the Harper's Bazaar which is only available in Germany since this year.
And if you are into hipster things, you sure have heard of the Cereal and/ or the Kinfolk. Both are sophisticated lifestyle magazines, which help to discover the world around us.
And I have yet to find out if it's a presumptuous or cultivated affair.
But while I'm note sure I'll just enjoy reading them, being impressed with the beautiful images and marvel over the interesting articles.

Other than that, excuse for the massive show-off (of what I wonder?)
I bought this fantabulous swooshy dramatic gown last weekend to whoosh around my homely grounds and I love it! I look like a mixture of mysterious geisha, scary ghost of a vengeful widow and sexy Victoria secret vixen (ok not) or as A. said a housewife who's about to seduce her son's best friend... pui!!
Anyway I paired the boxing gloves with it in order to play with the image of a boxer, did you somehow notice? #fail
I even added the necklace to add some (belt) glory...
Anyway the boxing gloves are from the Alexander Wang x H&M collab and I'm not sure about how popular they really are, but I succesfully managed to purchase them! Yay me!!!
They are only hanging around though, I never intended to use them anyway.

Chu, Ailing

Tuesday, 25 November 2014



Artistic pics from last weekend's dinner w A.
No, but could I draw your attention to that un-beautiful wasabi heart?

I have some thoughts about that incident, but first it's story time.
A. had heard of a goodlooking guy doing sushi at that bar, so we went to check him out. (Ok, screw that version, actually he's a buddy of my older bro, so she 'heard' it from me haha).

We entered and had to wait for a bit because there were no free tables, thus we had to slack around at the entrance with drinks.
Then we were guided to our table, which actually was more like a long bench.

The owner of the restaurant asked me to follow her suddenly, I didn't get what was going on, but did as she said. Turns out she just guided me all around the long bench to my seat.
But because my place had an unimpeded view of the bar and aforementioned handsome guy, hereby called S, while the other place was with one's back to it, A wanted to swap places. Which was quite an undertaking.

We ordered our stuff and received this plate which - to our amusement - came with this wasabi heart.
Later we received matcha ice cream for free.

While we were dealing with our generous dessert real quick, cuz it was about time the restaurant closed, the owner approached us and asked where we were from.
When we told her that we were both not locals, she yelled across the restaurant, 'Oh my god, boys, those two beauties not locals lah!!! Oh my god, girls, the guys were eyeing you two forever, wondering where you're from!! They even complain why not sit at the bar!!! Aiyo, I say got place already lucky enough liao! etc etc'
And said boys, i.e. the whole staff were sitting alongside another bench which was facing us from the left~
Imagine this, they were watching us like a movie!!! This has to be next-level embarrassing!! I just put my hair to one side and looked into the other direction /shakes head

Later A. told me sth about a family w a young kid sitting at the bar talking to the sushi guys and looking at us (or so).
Then our waiter came to pick up our plate, turned around to serve us, but stopping midway looking at the place. He turned back to the sushi chefs like 'seriously guys?!', but when those didn't really react, proceded to serve us our food.

HAHAHAHAHA! Isn't that hilarious!!! I'm still lmfao-ing when I imagine those stupid guys kneading the fucking wasabi into a heart and the waiter's reaction!! Bwahahaha

Anyway the family was also observing our reaction and smiled at my friend when they saw that she saw the heart!!!
Actually a quite funny story right?
But when I think back I have a bad feeling about the heart-shaped wasabi....

It was the first thing I noticed on the plate, different from my friend who said that she didn't notice it at all.

Now this really bothers me. Because I kinda have the feeling that it was the first thing I spotted, because somehow somewhere I expected it(?!)
And how conceited would that fucking be?!
It's disgusting!!!!

I don't even think I am pretty! I can be pretty during 1 out of 100.000 seconds and that's it!!! But most of the time I'm quite ugly even...

Also for my friend it was quite a big deal and we discussed the heart for quite a while, but had it been just me, or me dining with myself I wouldn't have given the heart any thoughts at all I think, because, I'm kinda used to those sort of happenings!!!
Getting stuffs on the house, one sushi roll more than usual, sushi in a heart shape, or even just a mischievous wink from the chef - that's kinda the same for me

Which is also dam conceited!!!!
For one it makes you feel special, but I also think it's not uncommon, especially for sushi chefs to deliver 'secret' messages with their sushi art, right?

But how arrogant does it make you if you take such things for granted... or rather find them so normal you don't really take notice of them at all?!

I don't want to be a bitch who thinks she deserves to be treated like that!!!!
And I don't, god forbid, I don't ever!!!!

But I think it's also kind of an automatic protective mechanism of my psyche, cuz if I cared too much about such compliments, I'd go insane, cuz I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable (I hate compliments, which is the subject of another of my countless self-absorbed blog posts).
So maybe it's that?

It's still stupid, but at least it doesn't make me a loathsome person!!
I hate arrogance (except it's some tsundere ikemen haha)

HiAaZz... to even feel that those things are somewhat 'normal'.. As I said, I am not pretty, but admittedly, those things kind of happen 'often' to me.
Which I wouldn't dare to say so myself, but on that night, my friend said, 'Those things only happen to me when I'm with you!' (which is seldom enough)....
But since I'm not pretty, I think there's an 'attention-seeking way' about my demeanour... which I swear by god is never my intention!!!!

I think it's because I feel kinda insecure, especially when I'm in an unfamiliar environment, I want to appear confident and kinda make a big fuss out of my appearance (not with big actions, but in every small action I kinda put that extra bit of in-whatever-way-ever-so-slightly-unconscious-attention-seeking-something, that will catch people's eye ._.).
And - btw men tend to easily confuse a conspicuous woman with a pretty one.... Men are so so dumb~ Let's say a super tasteless dressed woman with bright sparkly orange-purple snakeskin top, short, tight jeans skirt and slut heels is at a club, among normally sexy dressed girls, men will all swoon over the bitch with the lapse of taste, despite her ugliness and despite all other girls being (1000 times more) pretty!!!

So yeah, men confuse that in my case I think.... But it's all... like every other thing only a theory out of 1.000.000.
But that sounds really plausible to me now that I think about it....

That's it!
Please excuse the really LQ ugly pics, I forgot my cam and took those w my phone, which takes lousy pics when exposure is bad.
Chu, Ailing

Thursday, 6 November 2014

Picking up the pieces

Mi Amor - 赤西 仁
Aftermath of Alexander Wang x H&M.
I can literally hear the cinematographic silence, smell the smoke, the dust, the soot in the air, as an undistinguishable noise gets first imperceptibly then clearly louder, coughs, mournings and cries of the wounded and those who have lost.
Through the smoke I start to make out creatures that had forgotten and now remember that they once were humans, crawling on the floor, staggering away, scattered to the four winds.

Some are holding onto their last treasures, leftovers from the great war that they gathered from the battleground, when the victorious had long left, leaving only unwanted trash behind.

Or something like this...

She woke up this morning to a perfectly silent room, even the clock was removed for the ticking sound made it even harder for her to sleep.
6.30 am.
Nothing was unusual, everything was the same as when she went to bed the day before. Half asleep she look around her room.
But then it suddenly hit her. It was announced for today at 10 am sharp.
They proclaimed a fight. They proclaimed a battle. Everywhere. Here in the middle of the city. You VS
The big thing.
The ultimate something.

So I was reloading H&M's site for nearly 2 hours to no avail. Starting from 10 to 10am mind you!!!
Why are people even visiting the site before the announced time?
(Like me? Just to check? Are you...? Really?)

Anyway, I had started to agonize over what I should get yesterday, and after thinking everything through I decided that I needed the towels, and wanted the boxing gloves and could use the men's sweater or gift it to my brother.
I don't know what magic internet other people possess but by the time I could shop in somewhat purpose-serving manner (every 10th reload would bring forth content!!) the sweater had sold out...
WHAT? a menswear item?
Seriously men get a bit too diva/ gay-ish these days....

I somehow managed to accidentally buy two sets of towels (dafuq) which I only realized minutes later. I went back to play Swedish roulette once more and successfully added the gloves to my haul.
(But H&M is really cool, they let you edit your shopping after placing an order, and even add new items to that order and don't create a new order with extra shipping!!!!!)

A bit sad about the sweater, because my bro surely needs some stuff, but oh well... I am victorious enough!!!
I hope the things arrive before I leave on Thursday next week~

Do you like green or black olives more? I love the black ones
Chu, Ailing

Sunday, 2 November 2014


モノクロのキス - SID
I'm really really upset about the ending of 黒執事・サーカスの書(Black Butler, Book of Circus)!!!!

I don't see any justification neither from Ciel's nor the mangaka's side to have people killed who could be rescued!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, whatever you say, it is never the right thing to do! No no no no no no NOOOO!!!!
These guys were friendly to him, ok they did terrible things, but they had their reasons! Reasons, which especially in anime world are very good exuses for murder!!!

Ciel could have rescued them all!!! But he chose to not give a fuck!!!!

Apart from that I'm really annoyed by the very last scene when he laughs out like mad, amused by the fact that humans or himself are worse than akumas!!!
Le me tell you one thing: Mangas who try to point out that humans are oh so bad are stupid!!!!

I see their retarded point: They think because people have a choice, it is all the more hidoi when they actually commit sins, as opposed to demons, because it lies in their nature!

For a damned little spoiled arrogant brat to assume such things (but that's actually only the mangaka's doing to piss me off even more), kids shouldn't act so high and mighty.
Anyway, not that the speaker of such things changes the content. Imo it is absolutely senseless to assume things about the good- or bad-naturedness of mankind, because we humans are just being the way we exist.

Let me explain: Do you say this elephant or all elephants are evil because some mothers abandon their child after giving birth to them? Of course you don't, they are just animals, they do what they do. They don't think. They just act the way they were born with.
Do you say pelicans are good, because they rip out their own flesh to feed their off springs? As much as we are prone to apply human (actually non-existent) features to their behaviour, we actually can't. The pelican isn't good, or bad. It is just behaving according to it's life (call it instinct or genes if you like to).

And haven't we all agreed on the fact that humans are animals, too?
Yes, I know we reflect on our deeds, we decide on what to do and what to leave well alone, but are we really doing those things against our nature? Or are we not just also acting according to our instincts?

I say we humans, as well as all the other animals, are not free enough, to act on our own will.
When some perverted murderer decides to play a game or a man thinks of a poor woman who is willing to give away her little everything, are they actually pushing the boundaries of human capacities?
Or isn't whatever a human does part of humanity as well?

We can't act beyond our possibilities, everything we do, however beneficial or harmful, is part of our existence.
Therefore one can't say, 'Human are the most cruel creatures of them all, because we kill for joy' or compare us to demons, 'See we are worse than akumas. That is how humans are.' as much as we can't pit animal behaviour patterns against our own thinking. Animals are just what they are, we cannot say god or bad, and humans (as animals) are also what we are. Neither this nor that.

I'm sick of animes or mangakas trying to provoke or be especially modern/ rebellious by coming up with such an obvious and lame message. There are just too many....

One last thing about Ciel.
I totally understand his wish to take revenge for what happened to him and as a kid I was also convinced that I'd personally slaughter anybody who'd kill my family.
And although it's quite abnormal for a such person to do so, we are in anime land, so it's ok.
BUT I find his arrogant behaviour really annoying. I comprehend a certain degree as a necessary feature to follow through with his vengeance, and that even a little more arrogance is necessary to make the character likeable/ provokable enough to be in a manga, but he is even more and that's just impossible!!!

He is far too self-absorbed to be published, especially for his age (or maybe he is like that just because of his age...)

Although his revenge is his sole purpose in life, I can't see why this allows him to put others in the same or even worse misery he has been myself.
If your revenge would turn you into a worse person than your wrongdoers than you absolutely have to back off.

In his great wish to avenge the death of his parents and his own fate Ciel's doesn't care about the amount of corpses that pave his way to his goal and as long as those corpses belong to 'bad' persons I don't care. But how dare he even murdering good people?
He is so wrong.. So wrong..... .____________________.

Chu, Ailing