I'm actually using the Blogger app to create this entry (explains the lack of images due to missing HTML mode which I would have omitted anyway this time round). Sometimes I wonder if it's a good (or even necessary) idea to write a few thoughts of mine down - be it to clear or make up my mind or in order to remember things later on. Mostly I decide it's not worth it (sometimes because I'm lazy), because we are going to forget most of it again anyway. At times I'm playing with the thought of jotting everything down in my physical diary, but then I reckon it's mere existence is ridiculous.
So this time I'm going to give it a try and note down here what's been in my head the past few days. Because this is a blog and it should be full of my personal heart wrenching (first world) problems. <s>So quick tell me how to lose weight the fastest way!</s>
(Ok intro so long already, kinda got sleepy and this is actually the second time I'm writing this, first time got deleted) Lately I'm very angry and kind of sad (? I'm not sure if I know or remember what sadness is (funny how autocorrect tried to make that 'dementia')) about my inability to say what I want!! I just don't know but it is so impossible for me! It has sth to do with my parents' education. I'm pretty positive and I usually never blame my parents for anything, because I'm not a person who easily blames everyone else. Especially when it comes to important things this is a very bad character trait! I feel extra bad about this because it's New Year and it should be in my (inexistent) resolution list, but I wouldn't even dream of it. I don't even bother to make one, it is all in vain #wearealldoomed (will lose some words about that around CNY btw). So these days I'm really upset with myself and it makes me restless and leaves me wondering how I should overcome this fear of mine. I actually never bring up stuffs that will make people feel bad or in this case causes arguments, as I know how uncomfortable it is. For one I don't like to speak up against (some) people, but another thing is I e.g. don't like to orally relive embarrassing stories of my friends on a party just to share a good laugh or to make fun of them a bit. Kinda like we are talking about really gay fashion trends which are just the epitome if uglyness and then I'm like, 'U. didn't u like that, too?' - 'What?! She liked this?' laughter - 'Yeah, she used to have a huge crush on this dude who always wears those in neon pink!!' - U:'that was back in middle school!' - more laughter - 'You even wrote this 15p love letter!' and the stories go on. I know many people who do this and it's actually no big deal and they don't mean any real harm, but I could never. And even this makes me feel a bit bad, because it is due to a weakness that I can't do it. (Were we in anime land this would make me the hero and lead character since it's not a weakness, love is no weakness it makes you strong!!!)
I don't know if I have said all that comes to my mind now. I really hope I covered all the thoughts concerning this. It would be very troublesome had I not, because I can't repeat the same matter over and over again, right? I figured out other flaws that I have lately, but now that I'm all set to blog my heart out of course I can't think of one. So yeah, that's it, I wonder how long this got and if I should add a song or not....
Oh btw my roommate had a very funny and sick dream: she was possessed by the devil and idk had to torture other souls and enjoyed it or burnt in hell? Something like that. We are definitely watching too much Supernatural!!
Chu Ailing
No comments :
Post a Comment