this video is related to break-ups and it's from my idol Queenie Chan. i love her very much and feel that this is very inspiring. will blog abt her some day
This is about my friend and her kareshi, about whom I have wrote several times already. The kareshi will from now on go by the alias aniki.
Would you stay with someone who treats everyone like air whenever they have some sporadic problem? A person who goes offline when messaged? A person who switches off their phone when called? A person who deals with life like a game, whenever they feel like it they go mia like it's nobody's business and then when they want, they show up again? And this happens every other day.
I say NO. And not only because of some immediate consequences. ALL of them could be forgiven, forgotten even accepted if there was just a chance that he would change. Until that time you could love with him with 1000s of forgivingness with unending patience, without expectations, while he gradually starts to appreciate you.
If I saw that the aniki could be different some day, if I could imagine them as a happy (married) couple in the future, I had no worries if I encouraged her to be indulgent with him. But I can't imagine it, I can't see him changing.
He hasn't reacted to any of her tries to contact him for days. He just vanished like that. And to fill you in, he has problems getting this job that he wants and has just wrote a test in order to apply for this job.
And I understand that he feels frustrated, desperate, is too afraid to face his failure and feels lost about the future. I understand that you want to repress such bad experiences, that you want to push them away, that you don't dare to admit them to others.
But your loved ones they care about you, right? They absolutely have the right to know what is going on!
And as a son, a brother and a lover you aren't supossed to let others worry themselves sick because of your selfishness.
What I'm talking about is not only this time, where at least he could have a sensible reason for disappearing from the scene (he could have another girl, too, what? - de facto, we don't know wtf is the matter), it's that he vanishes whenever he feels like it. He senses that you want to have a serious talk, he's gone. And won't reappear until he feels like it again. Is this the behaviour of a person who deserves your love?
He treats his parents and siblings just like that. The closer you get to him, the more he isolates himself. How would you live with someone like that? How can you be sure that he won't also dump you like a drag someday?
How do you imagine a future with him, when you can be sure that situations like this will repeat themselves countlessly in the time to come? How can you stay with someone who won't talk about problems, but even reacts agressively if you want to approach something? As a (married) couple there will be enough problems about random, trivial nonsense even without his extra selfish problem-making.
But as I said all those could be taken as a sacrifice for a happy future if you could help him. But he doesn't want your help, he doesn't want you.
He only sees himself once he meets an obstacle. He behaves like there's noone else except him. You can't be there for him, because he doesn't give two flying fucks about your care, your worry, your love.
It's giving and taking, right? My friend gave him so much, of her time, her thoughts, her concerns - he doesn't give a shit. He doesn't even see it.
And what has he given back? Not a single sign of gratitude for her support, for her never giving up on a burden like him. A boyfriend who doesn't appreciate his girlfriend?
I'm sure loves in her some sort of way, but honestly his concept of love is rather poor and underdeveloped, when everything he gave her was just talk and entertainment. They had a good time on their trips, he has send her many presents. And now?
Every time he isolates himself like this, he shits on the presents he gave her. He has given her only aversion whenever she tried to approach him with his problems.
It's nothing more than some feeling of affection eventually.
And in the end, he is pulling both of them down. I know that my friend doesn't want to leave him, because without her he would be nothing. A partner for life who is a burden for most of the time? Is it really wise to decide to drag such a person through life? A person who relies only on others but doesn't even realize it over all his selfishness?
You don't allow yourself to suffer from such egoism.
Chu, Ailing
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